Lessons for a theatre artist from Smash

The new NBC musical dramedy Smash has entered my life and I hope it never leaves. Instead of doing my own writing, I have sat through the first three episodes... and all of the buffering that occurs when watching Hulu at my house.

To justify this dedication, I present the top lessons from Smash for a theatre artist. Take notes, guys.

1. To write a musical, you must own scarves and you must love them.

2. "People sleep together in shows, it happens." -The lady from Will and Grace

3. If you are feeling bummed about getting cast in a pre-Broadway musical go to Iowa and sing karaoke. This will give you the strength to suffer through that Broadway credit.

4. Gentlemen, forget Hamlet, Lear, Loman, and Sweeney Todd. Everyone knows playing Joe DiMaggio is where it's at.

5. If you want to be a successful Broadway director/Choreographer don't go to Oxford. Go to the other place.

6. Resist the urge to buy a Marilyn Monroe wig and wear it while singing in fantasy dance numbers. Trust me, no one wins.

7. Be careful when making your daily walking commute over the Brooklyn Bridge. Hunky actors in your musical will try to ruin your marriage.

8. Also be careful of personal assistants. They will steal your notebook, then your writing partner, and lastly: your soul.

9. Finally, if you have parents in town and they want to go see a jukebox musical, you should probably take them to La MaMa.

I cannot wait for next week.